Lack of Empathy

Ruth

Let’s continue with the Ruth example, you’re out for a walk together and she tells you about her anxiety with regard to giving presentations at work recently.

We noted previously some non-empathic responses, namely:

• You tell her “you’ll be fine, presentations are easy, I do them all the time”.
• You tell her “oh it’s not that bad, you’re just overthinking it”.
• You tune out while she’s talking.
• You check your phone while she’s talking.
• You change the subject.
• You tell her “I know how you feel, I get so nervous too, I just take some deep breaths, I find that drinking water during it helps too…blah blah blah…”

And the important one:
You know how you would feel in this situation so you assume that she feels the same.
Because you’re not tuned in, you’re mistaken. The reality may be that her feelings on the matter are different from yours. Furthermore, your emotional state changes accordingly. You mistake this for empathy but in reality, your just projecting your own feelings. You’re not tuned into hers at all.

Lack of empathy

All of those responses lack empathy. That is a lack of empathy in action.

And when you mix in the other narcissistic traits, the consequences are nothing short of absolute undiluted hell on earth…