Obsessing on the "why"?

The why? of it all nearly killed me. I cannot tell you how distraught I was about this. For some reason I could not make peace with any of it without knowing the why. It ate me up inside trying to figure it out.

I now recognize that my trauma with this was actually me “projecting”.

My brain is hardwired to see the good so to speak. When I saw the bad, I sugar coated it, excused it, dismissed it, allowed it, enabled it, facilitated it. I simply denied the bad because I painted it with good, my projection, my perception of how things should be, my perspective on matters. What I was seeing conflicted with hard-wired bias towards all things being rosy.

My wife has a different perspective, she paints the world black.

I’m biased towards good. She’s biased towards bad. Six billion people on the planet fall into six billion slots somewhere between extreme good and extreme bad. All six billion of us do what we do. Who can ever truly explain why we do what we do? As per a conversation with my psychologist, it’s not realistic to know why anybody does what they do because every moment of every day we are doing something. However we can see patterns. A bad childhood can make for a bad adult for example.

The truth of the matter is that those of us who are agonizing about the why need to stop viewing the entire world through our own rose-tented glasses (positive projections) and recognize that the world is full of bad fuckers.

We all do what we do, every instant of every day for no other reason other than because.

Why? Because!

Why? just 'cuz bro!

Finally realizing this and accepting it has been like reaching the top of a snowy, stormy mountain after a three year climb to find myself on a vast tropical beach under warm summer sun with a euphoric warm summer breeze that just happened to be up there.

Accept it, be here now.