Triangulation

What is triangulation?

• I bounce a ball off a wall and catch it.
• “Claire said that you were in bad form with her yesterday”.
• “Those are my strawberry’s, you can’t have any, get your own”.
• “The traffic was very bad, even Claire was saying it too”.
• “I must leave now because traffic is so bad, I can’t be late for my appointment”.
• “Remember when you got drunk at Claire’s party? You need to watch what you drink”.
• “I was talking to Dr. Smith, he said what you do to me is just so wrong”.
• “I was talking to Dr. Smith, he said you need to listen to me”.

So, those are all seemingly random things but, in fact they are all examples of how a narcissist uses other people or other things to make their point and manipulate.

I bounce a ball off a wall and catch it.

• The ball is triangulated with the wall. The wall is used to manipulate the ball.

Claire said that you were in bad form with her yesterday.

• She’s using Claire as an ally to strengthen her position. Now it’s not just her word, Claire agrees. It’s two against one. You’re wasting your time explaining to her that you were certainly not in a bad mood. Claire was there, she said you were.
• Note that she might tell Claire that you said Claire was in a bad mood yesterday. Now she’s pitching you and Claire against each other.

Those are my strawberry’s, you can’t have any, get your own.

• She’s using strawberries to pick a fight with you. She’s triangulating you with strawberries.

The traffic was very bad, even Claire was saying it too.

• She was late, she’s blaming the traffic. Fair enough but just in case you might doubt her she uses Claire to enhance her position. Aside… why would she need to triangulate with Claire here to make here point, is she lying?

I must leave now because traffic is so bad, I can’t be late for my appointment.

• She just wants to go now. She triangulates with the traffic to strengthen her case. She can’t just wait and go at the proper time. She can’t just say she’d like to go now for reasons. She strengthens her point using a third party, i.e. the traffic which of course may not be bad at all.

Remember when you got drunk at Claire’s party? You need to watch what you drink.

• She’s keeping you under control by triangulating with a past event. She can’t just make the point; she has to involve something or someone else.

I was talking to Dr. Smith, he said what you do to me is just so wrong

• Well if Dr. Smith said it then I guess that’s that settled then.

I was talking to Dr. Smith, he said you need to listen to me

• I guess I’ll be listening then, I mean if Dr. Smith said it then who am I to argue.

Triangulating is a means of enhancing her position by fabricating allies to back her up.

Consequences

When a point is being made and triangulation is involved, it tends to mean that the point is immutable. You’d be waisting your time countering it with logic and reason.

You’re being controlled.

Your individuality is not being recognized. You don’t get a say here. It’s my way or the highway.

Is is conscious?

It’s a mixed bag. Learned habitual behaviors.