Passive aggressive

From Merriam Webster:

Being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness)

Being angry without expressing your anger openly, but resisting people in authority by refusing to do what they want or to accept responsibility for your actions

Showing an unwillingness to be helpful or friendly, without expressing your anger openly:

“It tells you a lot about how they were raised”, said a guy I know about his wifes siblings kicking a football on the patio near where he was trying to drink wine with his buddy. A clear dig at his wife’s mother, hence a dig at his wife by proxy.

An extremely hurtful comment delivered calmly and without physical aggression.

A silent treatment that includes laughing into her phone but you dare not approach her out of fear. This is abuse BTW in case you weren’t aware.

“Yea, thanks for doing the dishes … it makes a nice change”. A complement followed by an insult.

“Ok, I’m sorry but if you hadn’t started it, I wouldn’t…”. An apology followed immediately by an accusation that it was your fault.

“Ok, I’m sorry, can we just drop it now”. An apology but not a resolution. She’s done with it and therefore so are you.

“I’ll get it now, just stop nagging about it”. And then she doesn’t.

“Sure … if you say so”. Agreeing but the “if you say so” is a snide remark suggesting that you’re controlling.

“Nice of you to join us”. Welcoming with a strong hint of being unhappy you’re late.

Sulking. Then refusing to communicate or explain what the sulking is about.

“That’s the floor vacuumed now. When was the last time you vacuumed”? Annoying crap.

“No, you never do, do you”?

“If it weren’t for me, where would you be now”.

“I do most of the work around here you know”.

“Sure but, it would have been nicer if we booked the one I suggested”. Susan blaming me for her (perpetual) dissatisfaction.

“Just leave it, I’ll do it myself”. As though you were incapable.

• Little digs.
• Just won’t let it go.
• Expressions of disappointment or dissatisfaction in you with suggestions that you should be different, do better or just go away.

I think after years of these putdowns I just became immune to them. When it came to writing this, I had to really think for a long time before they started to flow. When you see them, there’s no unseeing them.