Manipulation

What is manipulation?

I’m manipulating you right now. I’m influencing your thoughts because you’re consuming what I have to say. When we talk about the whether and I suggest that it might rain, that’s a manipulation because I’m planting that idea in your head and I’m influencing your thoughts on the matter.

That manipulation however is benign. There’s no mal-intent whatsoever.

However, if I lie to you that it’s going to rain because I want to sell you an umbrella, then my intentions are malign. Then it becomes a different matter altogether. That’s a proper manipulation.

Susan

When she rages at me. When she says she loves me. When she demands attention. When she seeks praise and reward. When she boasts. When she gives me the aggressive silent treatment. When she accuses me of all of the above. When she says she’s sorry but if you hadn’t… When she barres me from using the washing machine. When she buys me deodorant only to later confiscate it as punishment.

These are manipulations to control me. She’s seeking narcissistic supply, attention seeking and validation.

Bills

Susan regularly accuses me of “using too much electricity” (sorry, I just have to puke, one moment…). Then she refuses to contribute to the electricity bill. This is a blatant manipulation. She’s justifying not paying.

She does the same for the mortgage. Apparently I should be able to get us a cheaper rate (but she wouldn’t dream of looking into it herself… entitlement). She’s tricking me into paying it all myself. Manipulation.

Consequences

My relationship is not real. It’s a lie. I’m in a relationship with a robotic machine that sees me as the source of her next fix and nothing besides.

Is is conscious?

A little from column A and a little from column B. It depends. I’ve learned to make peace with the idea that it’s a mixed bag and case by case.