Grandiosity

When I heard this word being used in relation to narcissism and NPD, I figured Susan must be exempt because as far as I could see, she was a million miles from Donald Trump. He’s grandiose, shoulders back, chin up, bullish and indulgent.

How wrong was I!

The thing is, she’s grandiose for short spells at times before reverting back to one of her usual two dispositions, the crying victim or the belligerent vampire.

The grandiosity is sometimes more subtle and lost among all the other chaos. Here’s a few places it manifests:

• Cooking. She takes on a superiority complex over it. Her demeanor changes to one of power and superiority. She just expects praise and worship for cooking and acts holier than tho expecting us to be in awe of her and in need of this wonder food and her heroic cooking efforts.
• When the glorious food is delivered, marks out of ten are demanded for each item on the plate. I used to think this was cute but I quickly learned that no matter what kind of slop appeared on the plate, marks below eight would result in injury and rage. In fairness, her cooking is not bad anyway.
• Using kitchen appliances was another vector where the grandiosity shined bright. She took on a hero complex over washing cloths and she’d insist I’d never be able to do it as good. In fact, I was barred from using the washing machine altogether just in case this theory ever got tested.
• Her job was another. As far as she;s concerned, her job is super important. Far more important than most other jobs could ever be. Again, her demeanour changed when it came to her job, she became boastful, proud but condescending with it, vanilla grandiosity.
• Every time she asserted ownership over appliances such as the coffee machine, denying me usage of it, the grandiosity was clearly on display. Her and this wonderful machine were at one and I became a meager peasant unworthy of it.
• Every time she one-upped me by firing a verbal missile at my anything I said or did, it was accompanied by a little boost of grandiosity.

Unstable

The only problem with grandiosity was that it was her achilles heal, anytime it was on display, rage was sure to follow because in those moments some kind of supply was required to sustain the feeling and when it didn’t come, a narcissistic injury happened followed by the inevitable narcissistic rage and punishments.

Hell

Christ, the more I think about those cycles, the more I want to just cry. She is just the most horrible, tortuous, awful, vampire of a person. She caused me nothing but years of hell trying to sustain what I now understand to be a grandiose state only to fail miserably and suffer the resultant wrath that accompanied the come-down.
I see it now, I had no idea what I was dealing with for years.