Future faking

Susan and I. We used to bond over this, it’s a form of control that keep us trapped in the relationship to a certain extent.

Susan

Let’s call the plumber tomorrow to get a quote on renovating the bathroom. It’s about time we made a start.

Reality

Yet she’s rejected the plumber before. She’s rejected the tiles. She wants tiles on the floor. She doesn’t want tiles on the floor. She doesn’t agree with your ideas but doesn’t have any herself.

Susan

I’m going to go to all your games from now on

she says to your daughter having missed 90% of them so far with the miss generally accompanied by a fuss.

I’m sorry, I love you

She’s doesn’t love you. If she did, she wouldn’t have treated you they way she did before this future faking episode. She’ll treat you bad again, then she’ll future fake all over again.

Let’s make a fresh start.

Let’s go for dinner tomorrow night, we need to sort this out.

Reality

That was all bullshit. Placating. False promises. It was never going to happen. It’s a manipulation. Is it a conscious one? Meh! maybe, maybe not… depends on the situation and circumstances. There can be other factors at play such as “narcissistic elation” or “splitting / black and white thinking” contributing to it.

Consequences

This is lethal. It’s intermittent reinforcement at it’s best. It gives you renewed hope that your relationship can be saved and that things will get better.

It couldn’t and it didn’t. I was fooled.