Fawn Response

The three primary responses.

1. Fight
2. Flight
3. Fawn

In order to keep the peace, I agree. I submit. I neutralize her threat with kindness. I appease. I placate. I give in. I do as she says. I avoid conflict. I suck it up. I take her crap. I give her a hug and reassure her that we’re cool. I apologize (even though I shouldn’t). I fawn.

I fawn in order to keep the peace and avoid the conflict.

Like “fight” and “flight”, it’s a trauma response learned in childhood as a coping strategy.

Example

She hid a part of the coffee machine today again. I could fight her. I could argue with her. But I’ll fawn. I don’t want her to explode.

Consequences

I enable her. I perpetuate her abuse.

Worse Consequences

• A “fighter” would have fought with her. A fighter would be long gone unwilling to put up with her crap.
• A “flighter” would have taken flight at the first sign of trouble.
• A “fawner” is trapped here for seventeen years, peace keeping.

You?

Are you a fawner? Is this why you’re here reading this?