Discard

In a relationship with a narcissist, at any given time, you are are in one of these four states.

1. Love bombing (or idolization)
2. Devaluing
3. Discard
4. Hoovering

In my experience, throughout my relationship the phases occurred in random order lasting for days, or for hours, or for minutes, it varied wildly.

The discard one however occurred far less often than the others.

Love bombing is where they’re nicey-nice.
Devaluing is where they’re being a proper pain in the ass or simply being abusive/obnoxious/bad-minded, whatever.

Discard

Discard for me was devaluing stepped up to seriously painful levels. For me it was persistent, relentless, unmitigated, undiluted, anger, wrath, scorn and rage delivered like a hurricane, non stop, for days, even weeks, and honestly, I believe the only letup I got from her was so I wouldn’t die on her.

Discard pain

During the many discard phases, she was loud, aggressive, belligerent and threatening. She was 100% done with me. I was nothing but trash to her. She was off having affairs (I now know, I didn’t back then). She wanted me gone, she wanted me dead.
She would pack up my clothes into trash bags. She would come running up the stairs screaming at me to leave the house. Thundering at me to find a job where I wasn’t working from home, or to get the company I work for to find an office for me (no kidding, this is regular with her). I would have to mute myself if I was on a call. She would threaten to “smash” my things. One time she even put a message into a sensitive WhatApp group saying we had separated. She would lock doors in the house denying me access. She would confiscate household items.
I was called every name under the sun. I was told that I was useless, an alcoholic, physically violent, sexually violent, a pedophile, and more. She threatened with resolute venom to tell everybody all of that.

Pure evil

Sensitive, vulnerable and intimate information that we had shared during better times were all dragged up and weaponized. My fears, my worries, my secrets, my desires, my stories, everything that I had shared with her, she remembered them all and she threatened to use them against me. She screamed them out around the house for Emma to hear. She opened windows and got louder so the neighbors would hear.

Emma

All the while Emma would be witnessing all of this. At times Emma herself came under fire if she happened to open her mouth or be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
To Emma:
“I should have aborted you”
“You’re turning out to be a right little bitch Emma”
“You’re getting to be just like your Daddy Emma, and I hate… hate your Daddy Emma”

Escape?

For me the “discard” phases were quite simply the single most painful experiences of my life. Weeks of unrelenting sustained abuse.

My understanding is that some people, the lucky ones actually get discarded, the relationship ends. If only… Me, I wasn’t so lucky, I was caught again, hook line and sinker during the “hoovering” that followed.