Control (covert)

We are of course talking about a narcissist supposedly controlling you.

The first thing that must be pointed out is that despite so much focus on control when it comes to narcissism, control or even controlling behavior is not one of the criteria listed in the DSM-5 for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The DSM is the official psychology manual for all of this stuff.

Do you even feel controlled?

For me, I feel a little controlled, there are weird rules, things I’m not allowed to do such as use the washing machine or dryer. There have been times when I’ve been prevented from meeting friends or family as punishment.

Control is this

For me, I now realize that I was never anything more than a source of “narcissistic supply”. Susan demands my time and my energy. When I give it, it’s not enough. She argues with me. She criticizes me. She prevents me from doing stuff by throwing tantrums. She asks a thousand questions and demands answers. I can hardly breathe. I walk on eggshells. I dare not set her off. I do things in secret. I avoid her. When she demands that I to do something, I do it to keep the peace.

Ultimately, she severely limits what I can do. She takes away my freedom. She keeps me in a state of depression. She influences how I think and what I do. Most things are just not worth it because she’s too much to handle.

Other control

She questions the heck out of me regarding any interactions with friends and family. She wants to know who I talk to, when I talk to them, and what is said.

Why?

Speaking specifically about Susan, personally, I think it’s more about patching her own insecurity and less about me. I’m just collateral damage in all that.

On the other hand, I’m pretty sure she enjoys torturing me. She has mentioned that a few times so I guess we probably can’t ignore that fact as difficult as it may be to accept.