Blame shifting

When the narcissist has done something they shouldn’t have, or when they have simply made a mistake. They tend to blame other people and other things rather than take responsibility for it themselves.

• Susan gets a cold or flue. It’s my fault.
• She spills her coffee, it’s somehow the waiters fault.
• She makes no effort to engage in Emma’s life. She accuses me of impeding that.
• She burns the toast. It’s the toasters fault.
• Susan makes a mistake at work that has impact (and God don’t we always know it). She didn’t do it, “it was Emily that did it and anyway Jane didn’t tell me how to do that”.
• She has one of her temper tantrums and abuses me, insults me, devalues me and hates me. Later… she wouldn’t have gotten angry if I hadn’t gotten angry with her first.
• She’s late… through no fault of her own, that’s for sure.

Consequences

This is not excusable. This is appalling behavior. It’s abusive. Think about it, she blames me for her crap. It leads to false apologies. It leads to a breakdown of trust. It leads to extremely unhealthy relationships. It creates cognitive dissonance, sadness and despair. It leads to word salad / circular conversations where she simply will not accept responsibility for her crazy bullshit.