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Slot car racing

As a child of the 80s and 90s I loved slot car racing. Scalextric sets were quite popular back then. If you’re not familiar, it’s the black track often in a figure eight shape where two cars would slot into a groove in the track for traction and to receive power via a metal rim along the groove. The cars are controlled by wired controls that are plugged into the track. Two people get a control each and race the cars along the track for many laps.

Feeling nostalgic, I bought one for Christmas, wrapped it and placed it under the tree but I addressed it “To Daddy, From Daddy” just for fun. There was much excitement. It would be a few days after Christmas day before our daughter and I tried to assemble the track. I was really looking forward to it. We first attempted to assemble it in our daughters bedroom as there was plenty space in one corner of the room.

I should have known better though. I made a huge mistake. It was a wet day. Too wet for a walk and too wet for browsing shops. Wet days are never good. Susan was at home, Susan was impatient, Susan was beginning to get narky ( #belligerent ) . Susan was beginning to get demanding. She wanted us to do something together as a family. Now that is a fair point and a reasonable ask. It was hard to know what we could do however given the weather. In any case, assembling this would only take about an hour or so anyway then we could have watched a movie or gone for lunch or some such. In the meantime Susan could help? No; no such rational thinking in our house. Susan began to get worse and worse, louder and louder ( #narcissistic-rage #obnoxious ) . Years on I can feel that feeling of despair and dread as she started to rage. I felt physically sick ( #narcissistic-rage #trauma-bond ) . The scalextric set was declared “stupid” and a “waste of space” and I was declared every bad thing under the sun over it ( #devaluation #vitriol ) . Furthermore, it was declared that it could not be assembled in our daughters room ( #control ) . I protested. I quickly regretted protesting ( #fawn-response ) . I had now unwittingly entered the argument. I backed out immediately but it had switched on a turbo in the rage ( #argumentative #narcissistic-rage ) . I should have stopped at that point and left it for another day but I didn’t ( #fawn-response ) . We brought it upstairs and started to assemble it there instead, in an unfinished room that was generally used as a play room or whatnot. As we assembled it, the noise from downstairs still to this day rings in my ears ( #narcissistic-rage #vitriol ) . It was pure undiluted hatred. By the time we had completed assembly, all the good had gone out of it. I was almost afraid to turn it on ( #cruel #control ) . It was impossible to feel happy about it, impossible to enjoy it. I felt nothing but sadness and shame ( #trauma-bond ) . Our daughter will either have terrible memories of it or she will have been just a bit more traumatized by it. The anger, and abuse will have sunk deep into her subconscious; all normal to her, just how things are. Happy occasions are not happy.

Twenty years from now when her husband is raging about dinner or some dam thing, she’ll think it’s normal and even try to appease him and make it all better ( #trauma-bond #fawn-response ) . That is a difficult thought to live with.

  • Jealousy => The thing that sparked the rage ( #narcissistic-injury ) .
  • Lack of empathy => The rage and the complete disregard for the consequences including who got hurt.
  • Entitlement => Wanting family time on her terms, unwillingness to collaborate and compromise ( #entitlement #control ) .
  • Fawning => I tried to go along with her wishes. I tried to avoid arguing with her and just took her crap ( #fawn-response ) .
  • Controlling => Her way or the highway ( #control ) .
  • Intermittent reinforcement => That evening, things were ok again. I was just relieved and happy that it had passed.
  • The feeling of happiness was real ( #intermittent-reinforcement #trauma-bond ) .