Behaviors - Part 3

she will ruin occasions version 2

It's halloween. She's there. She dresses up. She finds a problem. She's not included enough. She sulks for the remainder of the day. She ruins the occasion.

she will ruin occasions version 3

She has to work on the morning of your kids birthday. Gifts are unwrapped as expected on the morning of the birthday and there is excitement and love as expected. She might phone during it and insist on hijacking a huge amount of time with the phone call. Later she arrives home. She's angry that she wasn't included and will create an unpleasant fuss hijacking the birthday and upsetting all involved. There will be no appreciation, none whatsoever, for all you did to facilitate the birthday and all the efforts you made to include her.

she sulks a lot

End of.

when you are ill, bad things happen

If you're incapacitated for a day or two due to illness, it's a massive inconvenience for her. She gets angry at you for being ill. She tells you you're not ill and to get up. After all, she got up and carried on when she was sick.

she exaggerates her illness

All must serve her during her time of need. But you can never serve her enough. You'll inevitably fall short of her magnificent expectations. You'll get no thanks for the servitude you have provided.

objects are an extension of herself

Objects that she owns, be it groceries or deodorant are special, sacred and you dare not touch. Unauthorized usage or accidental damage is a personal attack on her.

blames other things for her bad behavior

Her medication is making her behave this way. Her illness is making her behave this way. The stress she's under at work is causing her to behave this way. I can't even remember half the things I say, it's the stress. Hint: does this mean she's aware that her behavior is bad? And yep, in case you were wondering, this is in stark contrast to when she denies her bad behavior and accuses you of bad behavior. Both are a thing!

you walk on eggshells around her

You dare not say something to set her off. You dare not do something to set her off. You dare not forget to do something that would set her off. You live in paranoia and fear of her reactions. Your kids pick up on it, they don't understand but it but they have a grim look of resignation about them when they see you frantic in preparation for her immanent return. But you inevitably fail anyway and set her off regardless. You're baffled as to what set her off this time though!

she's easily offended

And you just know when it's coming and you weep internally.

won't let you sleep

You move: You get an elbow in the back. You snore: You get an elbow in the back. This literally is torture.

she cannot take criticism

She's hyper sensitive to any form of criticism. Even well intended constructive criticism is received as personal, vicious, deceitful, all-out attack on her character. The perpetrators must be held accountable. Naturally, annual performance appraisals in work will result in special treatment. HR will have to get involved. The inadequacies of her work colleagues will all need to be exposed for comparison and vindication purposes. These scurrilous accusations simply will not be tolerated. And you suffer as both the punching bag and the peace keeper.

gets bored very quickly

Can't entertain herself at all.

do as I say

Not as I do.

she cheats...

... Then brags!

she's different around other people

Most people have different versions of themselves for different aspects of their lives, their work-selves are professional, their family-selves are perhaps playful. With her it's different. To Martha, she's so nice, so genuine. One of the kindest people you could hope to meet. To Paul, she's so helpful, it's incredible. And Lynda says, she really shares my interest in cooking and the culinary arts. We really hit it off together. You can go right ahead and puke now, it's ok!

the rules change, the goalposts move

Short term rules such as:Monday: "There will be no play-dates here anymore. My house isn't a creche. I'm fed up with kids running around here. It feels like a zoo". Tuesday: "Now darling, would you like a play-date. I'll arrange it for you". Long term rules such as: Monday: "No, you're absolutely not allowed to use my washing machine". Friday: "You never ever do the washing, it's always me".

may have racist tendencies

Probably not openly racist. You'll have seen it however. You'll have heard it.

things are beneath her when they really shouldn't

Won't be seen shopping in Jimmy's Bargain Store. Will make a point of making it known that she shops high-end only. Conversely, will loudly agree that Jimmy's Bargain Store is a wonderful place to get household cleaning products when <insert important persons name here> says so.

pretends to stonewall you

Great, some peace and quiet! Nope, she's off again, I guess she did want to talk about it after all. Nope, wait, she's not addressing the issue at hand, she's babbling on and making no sense and throwing blame around.

is an extremely poor listener

This one is actually quite funny to see happening. Her friend phones about a problem. She's completely disinterested, she has a hard time staying focused and before you know it the tables have turned....... when that happened to her it was way worse. She quickly starts to do all the talking... all about herself. Conversely, and weirdly, at the beginning of your relationship she was a great listener.

old friends get put on hold

Her friends seem to come and go but are mostly gone. They appear when needed but when they need her she's not available.

new friends are best friends

Jane at work whom she just met is her new best friend, they talk on the phone for hours regularly. They meet up (when it suits). And then they're gone. Never to be heard of again except for the occasional reference to her being weird or strange anyway.

you could ask her a thousand times

... Not to open the blinds before you've had a shower in the morning because you don't want the neighbors happening to look in. The blind will get opened regardless. When you ask her yet again to just wait, please, I'll open it myself afterwards, honestly, trust me, you get some nonsense babbling answer back.

will never accept that they're abusive

They simply won't see it, will never see it and will pass a lie detector test when questioned. They believe it absolutely.

believe their own lies

And will pass a lie detector test

superiority complex

But it flashes on and off.

tends to be deeply envious of others

Runs comparisons. Puts them down. Drags them down to her level by criticizing them, belittling them, bad mouthing or smearing them.

You have to keep your phone from her

You don't really have anything in there to hide as such. But messages to your friends and family no matter how benign, not applicable to her, or entirely inconsequential all seem to present issues for her.

when she goes through your phone she denies it

You don't really have anything in there to hide as such. You walk into the room, she's putting your phone on the table. You confront her. She immediately bursts into aggressive defensive mode about the accusation. She uses absolutes like I'd "never, ever", do such a thing. Her defense turns to offense

argues with you constantly

When all you want is peace and quiet, no conflict, she just persists and persists. It just won't stop.

she has no patience

You're not ready, she is, it gets bad. And of course there is no recognition of the fact that you're frantically trying to get many other things at the same time because she hasn't helped at all.

haranguing is normal

You don't have conversations. Instead you have push/pull haranguing. It's exhausting.

claims you said things you didn't

"Yes you did". "No I didn't". You have those type of exhausting conversations or arguments frequently.

there's a high tax on gifts

She buys you gifts. Then she confiscates them as punishment.

inappropriate punishments for the kids

She confiscates your daughters plush toy companion. The one she draws comfort from.

keeps her luxury groceries separate

You're not allowed to use them. Perfectly ok for her to use yours of course.

wakes you early on your day off

May be accompanied by drama.

might wake you the night of your early start

Yup.

will bring you down before

It's the morning of your big presentation. She scoffs at that. Then picks a fight with you. You find this particularly hard to cope with because you were nervous enough as it was. Support from her? Forget it

will bring you and your kid down before

It's the morning of your sons big game. She scoffs at that. Then picks a fight with you. Then picks a fight with your son. Your son is out of sorts and withdrawn for the game and perhaps doesn't perform well. The below par performance is noted. Your son is compared to his peers, to his face. "All that coaching you do in the garden with him is obviously useless".