Anguish
Because I couldn’t endure anymore of the sadness, pain and hurt being inflicted on me by my wife Susan.
Narcissism
War drums at dawn
“rebellious girl who accepted the world as made for her”
Said of Helena Zimmerman, Dutchess of Manchester, Kylemore Abbey, Connemara, 1878 to 1971
Confusion
Because I was so utterly confused by what was happening to me. I could hardly even articulate a few coherent sentences to describe it.
Drama
Because I couldn’t figure out why on earth my wife continued to cry, sulk, argue, blame, accuse, and yet want more and more and more from me.
Victim
Because she was always the victim and I was always the villain.
These are tales from my narcissistic relationship.
These are tales from a scorched earth.
Forget
Because I couldn’t even remember what the heck she was on about.
Anxiety
Because my anxiety was through the roof.
Autistic? Bipolar?
I knew something was wrong with her, it had to be, but I just couldn’t figure out what it was.
Alone
Because I was hopelessly alone.
Hi, I’m John and I’m a narcissistic abuse survivor.
This has been the most confusing journey of my life. I had no idea what narcissism was. Now I do. Now my perspective on the world has changed forever.
Now I am free.
I’m not a clinician. This is my retrospective on being an active participant in a truly bizarre, dysfunctional and destructive relationship.
You bad, Me good
“You never do anything for me”.
“After everything I do for you”.
“When I needed you, you weren’t there.”
“You’ll talk to your family but you won’t even say hello to me.”
Two faces
Horrible to me.
Wonderful to everybody else.
Threats
“You have two days to decide.”
“I want you out of here.”
“I’m sorry but if you hadn’t …”
“I’ll tell <insert person here> just how badly you treat me.”
Eggshells
I tried so hard not to set her off. She got triggered regardless. I apologized and made her better. Over and over, again and again, until I had nothing left to give.
And I died a little every time she erupted at our daughter Emma.
And then I died a little more when she blamed me for it.
But I didn’t know I was dying because she was the one hurting and in need.
I was blind to the reality.
That's not me
Because she didn’t seem to know me at all.
Head bang
Because I might as well have been talking to the wall.
Exhausted
Because I was dead on my feet from it all.
How about you?
This is a story of hope. This is a story of enlightenment. This is a story of freedom.
Enter Salem